Friday, May 4, 2012

Deception

     The very last chapter, Chapter 12, discusses about deception and why people use deception. Deception is the knowing and intentional false belief and information given out to someone listening.

     There are three elements of deception; the sender must know the information is false, the sender must be transmitting the information on purpose, and the sender must be attempting to make the receiver believe the information. All three of these elements must be in the behavior to be considered deceptive.

     “You aren’t lying if you believe that what you’re saying is true.” If you asked me, “How many days do blood cells live?”  I tell you that blood cells live up to 200 days. This answer reflects what I honestly think is true. It’s also not true because blood cells only live up to 100-120 days. I thought the answer was 200 days, so I didn’t deceive you and I didn’t lying.

     “You aren’t lying if you don’t intend for others to believe what you’re saying.” There are statements that you may say and don’t mean to be taken literally. For example, “I’m so full, I could burst” and “I can run as fast as lightning”. These statements aren’t meant to be taken seriously, so the fact is you’re not lying to others.

     “You cannot lie to yourself.” Sometimes you may try to force yourself to believe in facts or ideas that you know aren’t true. When the realization that the attempts didn’t work, you may think that you’re deceiving yourself. However, by my books definition, it is impossible to deceive yourself. You may try to change your ideas and opinions, and sometimes you are successful, but the sender knowing the information is false must try to make the receiver believe it is true.

     This is my last blog. I hope you enjoyed my blogs, but the semester has come to an end. I may and may not add to these blogs later on, or I may do blog tutorials for photoshop on another profile. I enjoyed this. Thank you for reading!

Common Sources of Conflict


     Even though some may try to avoid conflict, it really can be beneficial to a relationship. But…you have to work through the conflict in a positive manner. This can lead to two people learning more about each other and their relationship. Managing conflict can also prevent small problems accelerating into larger ones. My boyfriend and I have had quit a few conflicts, but these conflicts have taught us valuable lessons about each other. In a way, the conflicts were something everyone needs to experience to learn and wise up in life.

     Let us discuss the most common sources of conflict. What are some of the most usual issues people fight about? Larry Erbert did a study on spouses and conflict. He asked spouses to report the common source of conflict in their marriage. Both the men and women identified personal criticisms as the leading conflict. Personal criticism is when a spouse complains and criticizes about their partner’s undesirable behavior and bad habits.

     The second common conflict Larry Erbert identified was finances, or conflicts about money. This really isn’t an uncommon conflict between spouses. Spouses disagree about how the money should be saved, invested, or spent. Money can be a scarce resource for some people. My boyfriend and I are amongst this group of fighters. We are broke college students trying to get good grades and make ends meet. It can be difficult at times, but we struggle and get through the hard times.

     The third common conflict that was found is household chores. Oh man! This is definitely the most common amongst my boyfriend and I! Spouses have to negotiate how to divide up tasks; cleaning, cooking, and maintenance. When these responsibilities are at fail, this can bring about a big conflict.  I know it’s hard at times to meet these responsibilities, so don’t go all panicky on the person who failed. Talk it over and see what happened and what can change.

Intimate Relationships Characteristics


     As I promised in my last blog that had to do with intimate relationships and their characteristics, I’m going to continue talking about dialectical tensions.

     For a review, dialectical tensions are common in intimate relationships. It is defined as the conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires. Well, as you have guessed, there is more to this. There are three categories to dialectical tensions: autonomy versus connection, openness versus closedness, and predictability versus novelty.

Autonomy versus connection:

     Autonomy is the feeling of wanting to be your own person, which connection is the yearning to be close to others. As an example that was given to me, children grow into teenagers that seem to want to be independent from their parents, but teenagers still desire the need of security of family closeness. I know when I was a teenager, I tried to do my own things my way, but I needed guidance from my parents.

Openness versus closedness:

      Openness is the desire for disclosure and honesty, which closedness is the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, or ideas to your self. For example, when my boyfriend and I get into an argument, I want to talk to my mother or sister about the fight to clear my mind, but at the same time I don’t want to. I don’t want them to feel anger or hate towards him, and I don’t want him to feel as if I invaded his privacy. I desire for that openness, and I also desire that closedness as well.

Predictability versus novelty:

     Predictability is the desire and wants for consistency and stability, while novelty is the desire for new experiences. In relationships, you need new experiences to expand the relationship. It may feel comfortable to have the same routine in a relationship, like a safety net, but a relationship needs variety. My boyfriend and I like to go out with friends and take college classes together to get that variety in our relationship.

Intimate Relationships


     Well, once again it’s time to say what I have learned in my Interpersonal Communications class. In Chapter 10, my class and I learned about the nature of intimate relationships. In the being of the Chapter, it was stated that many people think of romantic relationships when the word “intimate” is spoken. I have to say, when I hear the word “intimate” spoken, I think of romance, but really, intimacy means significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship. The common characteristics of intimate relationships are deep commitment, foster interdependence, continuous investment, and spark dialectical tensions.

Deep commitment:

     What is commitment anyways? It’s a desire to stay in a relationship. Intimate relationships require deep commitment which is the willing to put minor differences aside and to make compromised in order to preserve our intimate relationships. Intimate relationships include some sort of emotional commitment level which is a sense of responsibility of each other’s feelings and emotional happiness.

Foster Interdependence:

     Intimate relationships include high degrees of interdependence which is a state where the behavior of each person affects everyone else in the relationship. One action influences others in families and relationships.

Continuous Investment:

     Intimate relationships also have a high degree of investment. This is the resources and time that we put into a relationship. The resources include time, money, energy, and attention.

Dialectical Tensions:

     What does dialectical tension mean? Well, it is the conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires. Dialectical tensions are common in intimate relationships. In my next blog, I’ll be talking more about dialectical tensions. So stay tuned.

     Intimate relationships are hard to hold onto, but it is worth it. I know this for sure. My boyfriend and I had a distance relationship for a year, but after the year we knew we had to try to go further. So, I moved seven hours away from my family and friends so my boyfriend and I could work our relationship out. It has been hard in the beginning, but now it’s a lot easier because we learned to accommodate each other’s feelings and emotional happiness.