Intimate Relationships Characteristics

     As I promised in my last blog that had to do with intimate relationships and their characteristics, I’m going to continue talking about dialectical tensions.

     For a review, dialectical tensions are common in intimate relationships. It is defined as the conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires. Well, as you have guessed, there is more to this. There are three categories to dialectical tensions: autonomy versus connection, openness versus closedness, and predictability versus novelty.

Autonomy versus connection:

     Autonomy is the feeling of wanting to be your own person, which connection is the yearning to be close to others. As an example that was given to me, children grow into teenagers that seem to want to be independent from their parents, but teenagers still desire the need of security of family closeness. I know when I was a teenager, I tried to do my own things my way, but I needed guidance from my parents.

Openness versus closedness:

      Openness is the desire for disclosure and honesty, which closedness is the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, or ideas to your self. For example, when my boyfriend and I get into an argument, I want to talk to my mother or sister about the fight to clear my mind, but at the same time I don’t want to. I don’t want them to feel anger or hate towards him, and I don’t want him to feel as if I invaded his privacy. I desire for that openness, and I also desire that closedness as well.

Predictability versus novelty:

     Predictability is the desire and wants for consistency and stability, while novelty is the desire for new experiences. In relationships, you need new experiences to expand the relationship. It may feel comfortable to have the same routine in a relationship, like a safety net, but a relationship needs variety. My boyfriend and I like to go out with friends and take college classes together to get that variety in our relationship.