Deception

     The very last chapter, Chapter 12, discusses about deception and why people use deception. Deception is the knowing and intentional false belief and information given out to someone listening.

     There are three elements of deception; the sender must know the information is false, the sender must be transmitting the information on purpose, and the sender must be attempting to make the receiver believe the information. All three of these elements must be in the behavior to be considered deceptive.

     “You aren’t lying if you believe that what you’re saying is true.” If you asked me, “How many days do blood cells live?”  I tell you that blood cells live up to 200 days. This answer reflects what I honestly think is true. It’s also not true because blood cells only live up to 100-120 days. I thought the answer was 200 days, so I didn’t deceive you and I didn’t lying.

     “You aren’t lying if you don’t intend for others to believe what you’re saying.” There are statements that you may say and don’t mean to be taken literally. For example, “I’m so full, I could burst” and “I can run as fast as lightning”. These statements aren’t meant to be taken seriously, so the fact is you’re not lying to others.

     “You cannot lie to yourself.” Sometimes you may try to force yourself to believe in facts or ideas that you know aren’t true. When the realization that the attempts didn’t work, you may think that you’re deceiving yourself. However, by my books definition, it is impossible to deceive yourself. You may try to change your ideas and opinions, and sometimes you are successful, but the sender knowing the information is false must try to make the receiver believe it is true.

     This is my last blog. I hope you enjoyed my blogs, but the semester has come to an end. I may and may not add to these blogs later on, or I may do blog tutorials for photoshop on another profile. I enjoyed this. Thank you for reading!

Common Sources of Conflict

     Even though some may try to avoid conflict, it really can be beneficial to a relationship. But…you have to work through the conflict in a positive manner. This can lead to two people learning more about each other and their relationship. Managing conflict can also prevent small problems accelerating into larger ones. My boyfriend and I have had quit a few conflicts, but these conflicts have taught us valuable lessons about each other. In a way, the conflicts were something everyone needs to experience to learn and wise up in life.

     Let us discuss the most common sources of conflict. What are some of the most usual issues people fight about? Larry Erbert did a study on spouses and conflict. He asked spouses to report the common source of conflict in their marriage. Both the men and women identified personal criticisms as the leading conflict. Personal criticism is when a spouse complains and criticizes about their partner’s undesirable behavior and bad habits.

     The second common conflict Larry Erbert identified was finances, or conflicts about money. This really isn’t an uncommon conflict between spouses. Spouses disagree about how the money should be saved, invested, or spent. Money can be a scarce resource for some people. My boyfriend and I are amongst this group of fighters. We are broke college students trying to get good grades and make ends meet. It can be difficult at times, but we struggle and get through the hard times.

     The third common conflict that was found is household chores. Oh man! This is definitely the most common amongst my boyfriend and I! Spouses have to negotiate how to divide up tasks; cleaning, cooking, and maintenance. When these responsibilities are at fail, this can bring about a big conflict.  I know it’s hard at times to meet these responsibilities, so don’t go all panicky on the person who failed. Talk it over and see what happened and what can change.

Intimate Relationships Characteristics

     As I promised in my last blog that had to do with intimate relationships and their characteristics, I’m going to continue talking about dialectical tensions.

     For a review, dialectical tensions are common in intimate relationships. It is defined as the conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires. Well, as you have guessed, there is more to this. There are three categories to dialectical tensions: autonomy versus connection, openness versus closedness, and predictability versus novelty.

Autonomy versus connection:

     Autonomy is the feeling of wanting to be your own person, which connection is the yearning to be close to others. As an example that was given to me, children grow into teenagers that seem to want to be independent from their parents, but teenagers still desire the need of security of family closeness. I know when I was a teenager, I tried to do my own things my way, but I needed guidance from my parents.

Openness versus closedness:

      Openness is the desire for disclosure and honesty, which closedness is the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, or ideas to your self. For example, when my boyfriend and I get into an argument, I want to talk to my mother or sister about the fight to clear my mind, but at the same time I don’t want to. I don’t want them to feel anger or hate towards him, and I don’t want him to feel as if I invaded his privacy. I desire for that openness, and I also desire that closedness as well.

Predictability versus novelty:

     Predictability is the desire and wants for consistency and stability, while novelty is the desire for new experiences. In relationships, you need new experiences to expand the relationship. It may feel comfortable to have the same routine in a relationship, like a safety net, but a relationship needs variety. My boyfriend and I like to go out with friends and take college classes together to get that variety in our relationship.

Intimate Relationships

     Well, once again it’s time to say what I have learned in my Interpersonal Communications class. In Chapter 10, my class and I learned about the nature of intimate relationships. In the being of the Chapter, it was stated that many people think of romantic relationships when the word “intimate” is spoken. I have to say, when I hear the word “intimate” spoken, I think of romance, but really, intimacy means significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship. The common characteristics of intimate relationships are deep commitment, foster interdependence, continuous investment, and spark dialectical tensions.

Deep commitment:

     What is commitment anyways? It’s a desire to stay in a relationship. Intimate relationships require deep commitment which is the willing to put minor differences aside and to make compromised in order to preserve our intimate relationships. Intimate relationships include some sort of emotional commitment level which is a sense of responsibility of each other’s feelings and emotional happiness.

Foster Interdependence:

     Intimate relationships include high degrees of interdependence which is a state where the behavior of each person affects everyone else in the relationship. One action influences others in families and relationships.

Continuous Investment:

     Intimate relationships also have a high degree of investment. This is the resources and time that we put into a relationship. The resources include time, money, energy, and attention.

Dialectical Tensions:

     What does dialectical tension mean? Well, it is the conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires. Dialectical tensions are common in intimate relationships. In my next blog, I’ll be talking more about dialectical tensions. So stay tuned.

     Intimate relationships are hard to hold onto, but it is worth it. I know this for sure. My boyfriend and I had a distance relationship for a year, but after the year we knew we had to try to go further. So, I moved seven hours away from my family and friends so my boyfriend and I could work our relationship out. It has been hard in the beginning, but now it’s a lot easier because we learned to accommodate each other’s feelings and emotional happiness.

Persuasive Words

     I didn’t think I would learn that much from my class, Interpersonal Communication, but you know, I have learned something once again. I knew about people being persuasive through speech, but did you know that the Greek philosopher, Aristotle (384-322 B.C.), described three forms of rhetorical proof. Rhetorical proof are ways to support a persuasive argument. Aristotle explained that persuasive messages could be supported by appeals to ethos, pathos, and logos. Let me explain these three appeals.

1)      Appealing to Ethos:

      Don’t you think that a speaker who appears to be trustworthy and respectable is more persuasive than another speaker who is not? The term, ethos, was used by Aristotle to refer to a speaker’s trustworthiness, respectability, and moral personality. This is why speakers reinforce their ethos since they know it will enhance their abilities in persuasiveness.

2)      Appealing to Pathos:

      Don’t you agree that most people run on emotions? When people are emotionally aroused, then new ideas are raised and enhanced. Pathos was referred to listeners’ emotions since emotions are a major persuasive tool.

3)      Appealing to logos:

Don’t you agree that people use their ability of reasoning? Humans have the capability to sort out what’s right, what’s wrong, and what makes sense. People are more inclined to go towards reasoning in their particular belief, behavior, and opinion level. But, logical appeals aren’t always effective when it comes down to an addiction, which influences and alters a person’s behavior. As you may have guessed, logos refers to a listener’s ability to reason. But, what does reason really mean? Reason means to think, understand, and form judgments, which in all, is a process of logic.

     I knew that persuasiveness does involve a lot of work, but it involves a lot more than I thought. Well, at least I learned the three areas that it involves in. Maybe I’ll be better at persuading others now…..well, I’ll work on that. I’m too shy to even really talk. So the shyness needs to go first, then the persuading techniques will come next. 


     If you want to learn more about Aristotle's persuasion theory, here are a few websites to check out:


          http://sixminutes.dlugan.com/ethos-pathos-logos/

          http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-rhetoric/

Humans Need Social Interactions

     Could you live without your family and friends? Would you feel relieved to have no one to share memories with, or would you feel lonely and depressed? I know I would feel depressed if I had no human interaction. I would probably go insane.

     It is proven that humans need social interaction to survive. Have you heard of the German Emperor, Frederick II (1194 – 1250)? He was known for doing experiments on humans. One of his experiments was with infants. He took infants from their mothers and raised them without human interaction. His objective was to find out what language the infants would speak once they were old enough to speak, but instead all of the infants died because there was no human interaction.

     Why does social relationships matter? We form relationships because we need that human interaction. We need-to-belong. Need-to-belong is a hypothesis that says each of us is born with a fundamental drive to seek, form, maintain, and protect strong social relationships. With these relationships, it brings us rewards three rewards.

      1)      Emotionally:

         Friends provide us with emotional support and encouragement during times of emotional turmoil. Friends also bring us happiness.  

      2)      Materially:

         Relationships help us meet our material needs like food, shelter, money, and transportation. Humans love to share with others that they feel close with.

      3)      Medically:

         Relationships bring happiness and relaxation, which helps to deal with negative effects of stress, and helps us to deal with illnesses. Stress as we all know has many negative effects on the body such as sleep deprivation, unhealthy weight gain, and decrease in white cell counts.

     I for one do need human interaction and relationships. I know without my family, friends, and my loving boyfriend I would be depressed and lonely. During my first year of college, I didn’t have any friends, and my family was a few hours away. So I had no one, which caused me to have depression and loneliness. I became unhealthy; was getting sick quite a bit, and felt sluggish. When I moved back home, I became healthier, and full of energy because of that human interaction. Family and friends took the stress off of my back with laughter. Did you know that laughter gives you dopamine and endorphins? Health benefit right there!

     Here’s a good link to read about “touch” and human interactions:

          http://www.chisuk.org.uk/articles/result.php?key=63

Body Language

     Communication can come in two forms from what I have found out in my Interpersonal Communication class. There is verbal communication as in language, and then there is nonverbal communication as in gestures, facial expressions, and body language.

     

     Body language is a major form of communication. Humans use body language in there daily lives to communicate with others even when we don’t mean to. You can see if someone is bored with your conversation, sad, angry, confused, or even lying. Did you know that body language is studied by politicians? They use body language to communicate with voters. Voters look for someone energetic, which makes the voters energetic as well. I know, I don’t want to vote for a politician that is slouching, and unenthusiastic in their gestures. I want someone who passionate about what they are trying to say.

     Body language has been around for….well…ever, but it hasn’t really been studied to the full extent until Dr. Paul Ekman came around. He began his research on body language in 1945. As Dr. Ekman researched facial expressions of emotion, he found that facial expressions are not culturally determined, but is universal across human cultures. What this means is that facial expression are biological. The expressions he found that are universal are anger, disgust, shame, joy, sadness, and surprise. As of today, Dr. Ekman is still researching body language, and developing techniques to distinguish and measure facial muscular movements.

     To learn more about Dr. Ekman and his research, here are a few great links to check out:

          https://face.paulekman.com/face/default.aspx?override=1

          http://www.paulekman.com/research/currentprojects/

     Body language can be read even by you! Here are a few easy steps to get you started in reading body language.

      1)      Hands and fingers:

         Hands can have many expressions. If the palms are open, that means they are relaxed and not on defense. A pointing finger can mean a person is pointing to an object or a place, or it can indicate anger. Drumming or tapping fingers can indicate frustration and tension.   

      2)      Eyes and eyebrows:

         People who look to the sides a lot are nervous, distracted or lying. If someone is looking down at the floor a lot, they shy or timid. Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. If their eyes seem far away, that usually indicates that a person is either not listening or just in deep thought. 

      3)      Arms:

         People with crossed arms are displaying defense, authority, or discomfort. If someone has their arms behind their neck or head, they are open to what is being discussed and comfortable.

     I'm not very good at reading body language. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm a very shy person. I shall try harder now since I know the basics in reading body language. You should try it as well. If you are interested in more ways to identify what body language means, here are a few educational links:

          http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language

          http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Read-Body-Language---Top-10-Tips&id=991635

Attraction Theory

     We all know that others are attracted to someone you may find not attractive. In high school and college I had friends that were attracted to this athlete that was popular and well, good looking. My friends were in aw of this fellow. He was physically attractive, but someone I wouldn’t go out with. He didn’t have humor, he didn’t have brains, and most of all, he was a player. I for one am attracted to a man who has brains, humor, respectful, cute in appearance and personality, and who loves to play video games as much as I do. I have found this man, my beloved Kenneth. He means everything to me. He’s not just my boyfriend, but my best friend in the world.

     What is “attraction theory”, although?  There is interpersonal attraction, which is any force that draws people together to make a relationship. There is physical attraction, which is attraction to a person’s physical appearance. There is social attraction, which is attraction to a person’s personality. Lastly, there is task attraction, which is someone’s abilities and dependability that is attractive.  However, there are four especially powerful factors of attraction that research suggests: personal appearance, proximity, similarity, and complementarity. 

      1)      Personal Appearance of Attraction:

       Humans are highly visually oriented, which motivates a person to get to know someone better they find physically attracted to. Humans have always valued and appreciate physical attractiveness. Throughout history, humans wanted mates that were more physically attractive.

      2)      Proximity of Attraction:

       Firstly, what does proximity mean? Proximity is how close/near people live or work and how they interact. Humans are more likely to form friendships and relationships with others that they see often.

      3)      Similarity of Attraction:

       Think about your friends or spouse. Think about their personalities, beliefs, experiences, and interests. Now think about yourself. You probably have a lot in common with them, don’t you. We often find people that are similar to us more comfortable and familiar to interact with. It almost seems as if we already know them from inside and out because of common interests. Humans find similarity to be attractive because of social validation to find people who are similar, and because of our genetic interests. Genetic interests? Yes, our primitive ancestors distinguished relatives from nonrelatives because of physical appearance and behavior.

      4)      Complementary of Attraction:

       There is a saying that says, “Opposites attract.” Why is this though? No one is going to be exactly the same. Everyone differs in one way or another. We attract others that are opposite because we see their differences as complementary. Complementary refers to as benefits to ourselves because others provide a quality that we lack. The key to this, although, is that the people involved have to see their differences as positive just to get along. Shy people may be attracted to someone outgoing because that way the shy person can be more sociable. Makes sense, right?

     I know Kenneth and I have similar interests, but we are also the opposite. I was never interested in computers until he taught me about them. I’m not interested in technology like he is. Kenneth is always, always looking up and researching new ideas for future technology, while I’m looking at new ways to bake a cake. *Giggles* We are different in others ways, and it makes a relationship VERY interesting.

Stereotyping

     Before I tell my sad story about someone stereotyping me at work yesterday, let me supply the definition for stereotype: A broad, but fixed and generalized image of a particular type of person or group of people that is applied to individual members of those groups.

     As the definition is circling and rotating the gears in your brain, apply the definition to yourself. Have you ever been stereotyped before? Oh, I have, yesterday a matter of fact. I answered the phone at my job (I’m in retail), and this gentleman wanted to know how to unsubscribe his email address for free coupons to the store. He was worried about his identity being stolen. Well, I told him he has to call the store’s customer service number and do it through them. He didn’t like that answer. He wanted it done right at that moment, god forbid. He then said, “Kids these days! Uneducated! No wonder why you work in retail!” 

     Um….excuse me? Uneducated so I work in retail? That is just a stereotypical thing to say, is it not? Not all employees are uneducated and work in retail. I have an Associates degree in graphic design and working on my Bachelors degree as a RN. Uneducated? No….Matter of fact, almost all of my co-workers are in college working on a degree. We may be in retail, but we are not stupid. If it wasn’t for those that work in retail, there wouldn’t be stores to shop at, right? 

     Since this incident happened to me, I recalled in my Interpersonal Communications class discussing stereotyping. There are three steps in stereotyping: Identifying a group we believe another person belongs to, recalling a generalization others often make about the group of people, and we apply the generalization to the person. To put it as an example, I work in retail, so I must be uneducated, so I must be stupid. 

     Other examples of stereotyping are: Steel mill workers are always grumpy, women are the worst drivers, SUV women drivers must be soccer moms, and women belong in the kitchen while men belong at work for support. Many people do find stereotyping unethical and offensive.  Stereotyping does lead to inaccurate observations of people. It is important to look at our perceptions before we act/say anything about them. Judging others isn’t the way to go. Think before you act. Are they really like that, or is it just a bad first impression? 

     As I right this blog, two questions sprouted in my brain. What if the world abandoned stereotyping? Should we abandon stereotyping altogether? Kory Floyd, an author of Interpersonal Communication Second Edition, says that it is unrealistic to abandon stereotyping. We should instead find a more productive way to deal with stereotyping through awareness and communication. You must be aware of the perceptions of stereotyping, and then instead of assuming that our perceptions of people are correct, we should get to know them first. Have you heard of the saying, “Don’t judge a book by the cover.”? It’s a true saying. Meeting someone for the first time can be nerve wrecking and stressful. In first impressions, you try to show someone what they want to see; although, most of the time it doesn’t work out that way. Instead we show that person someone they don’t want to see, so they stereotype and judge. So, try those two steps when you meet someone: Be aware of your perceptions and then get to know the person. You might surprise yourself by becoming a friend of someone you thought was a stereotype that you wouldn’t of have been friends with.  

                                           

                                        http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/rde2654l.jpg

     The link below is a different perspective about stereotyping. You should check it out to learn more about this subject.

          http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199805/where-bias-begins-the-truth-about-stereotypes

Self Concept: Do you know who you are?

     Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?” It’s a question I’m sure all of us have asked ourselves once, twice, or many of times. I have asked myself that question more times than I can count. So who are you? What is your self-concept? What is your identity? And the biggest question, do you know your own self?

     First off, what is self-concept anyways? Self-concept is a set of the ideas that you have about the kind of person you are. This is also known as your identity. There are three characteristics to self-concept: They are multifaceted, partly subjective, and enduring but changeable.

1)     Multifaceted:

        When you think about yourself, we are actually a collection of smaller and smaller selves. For starters, we may think of our name, like mine is Valerie. I’m female. I’m German and Polish with a little Gypsy. I’m a loyal friend. I’m a honest and true individual. These are just pieces of myself. I still have so many other pieces to dig out. For instance; I’m a college student, a girlfriend, a daughter, a graphic designer, a neighbor that has to stomp on the floor to get the neighbors below me to turn their awful music down. There are so many hidden subjects about ourselves. Some subjects can be seen by others while you can’t yourself realize it’s there. Have you heard of the Johari Window? It’s a visual representation of components of yourself that are known or unknown to yourself and to others. Here’s a link to show you what the Johari Window looks like: http://akidpogi.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/johari-window.jpg.


     Try filling this window out. Do you know what is known/unknown about yourself, and known by others? 


2)     Partly Subjective:

        “Who am I?” also deals with objective facts in detail about ourselves. They are based on a fact and not opinions. You can have a choice about this objective fact. For instance, I was born in Michigan, but I chose to move to Indiana. I have brown eyes, but I can change that by putting in blue contacts to have blue eyes. Although there are objective facts, there’s also subjective. What subjective means is we can base ourselves in impressions. Sometimes these opinions about ourselves can be irrationally positive. Some people have unrealistic ideas about their special traits, talents, intelligence, or physical appearance. Some may be positive judgments, but others can be negative as well; low self-esteem. There are people who don’t look at their positive side and their abilities. They look at their failures instead. They never look back on their accomplishments. If someone sees that they are unintelligent, they act upon that and think it’s true. If someone is told that they will never mount to be anything in this world, that’s what they will think and become. Without seeing our positive subjective sides, we will become what other’s see.


3)     Enduring but Changeable:

        Self-concept just doesn’t appear and stay, although. It grows and develops over time. It may be a long process to understand who we are, but in the end it’s worth it. There are many things that can affect how self-concept develops. For instance, the people we associate with, those that influence us, role models, biological makeup, how we were raised, and by those that judge us negatively. Our self-concept can change and change again depending on who and what surrounds you. I, for one, had low self-esteem in my teenage years. I still do just because I had others who would say negative things about me in high school. They said I wasn’t intelligent, and that I was ugly. I thought these were facts and that I would always be this way. SO NOT TRUE! As I grew, I realized I’m not stupid and I’m not ugly! I’m an intelligent, beautiful, caring woman. I’m quiet, enthusiastic, shy, trustworthy, and loyal. I’m a procrastinator, and still have self-esteem issues. I may not be perfect, but really….who is? You are yourself. You’re not like others. Not every event may change your self-concept, but instead, it’s you who changes it. You’re the one in control. Not others.

     So why don’t you try asking yourself again, “Who am I?” Write down what you think. Start with the basics. Are you a mother or father? Are you a daughter or son? Are you a volunteer? Then start categorizing the little details as in your personality and so on. Try out the Johari Window. You know what; let me give you a website that my Interpersonal Communications instructor gave me: http://kevan.org/johari.  Try filling this out, and send it to your friends and family. Have them fill it out and see who you think you are and what others perceive you as. Try it. I dare you! You’ll learn more about yourself, and realize who you are.


     I have another great website that you should check! 
       
          http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201006/who-am-i

Cultures vs. Co-Cultures

     The word, culture, has a variety of different meanings. I remember in biology the definition of culture was a growth or colony of bacteria. Today, I’m not going to talk about cultures living on your kitchen counter, nor the cultures that live on your computer keyboard. Of course I’m not going to talk about the cultures that live in your toilet. Today I want to talk about the culture definition of learned and shared values, norms, language, and behavior patterns that distinguish a group of people from another group.

     Have you ever heard of in-groups and out-groups? I’m sure you have, in fact we all belong to an in-group and out-group. An in-group is a group of people that you identify with, while an out-group is the opposite; it is a group of people that you don’t identify with.

     Immigrants, for one, have a hard time with in-groups/out-groups. They experience high levels of stress as they move to another nation, just because it’s hard to fit in with an in-group. This stress is called culture shock; the feeling of disorientation experienced when subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes. Immigrants try to fit in, but it’s very difficult. That’s why in the United States of America we see subdivisions like China Town, or parts of a town that may be Dutch or Spanish. I for one lived in a German community called Moltke, Michigan. My great-great grandparents on my father side moved from Germany and moved to a German area in Michigan just so that they could be part of an in-group. On my mother’s side, well, I don’t know exactly how many “greats” to use, so I’ll say, great-great grandparents moved from Poland to Posen, Michigan which is filled with many Pollock’s so they could be part of an in-group. Cultures aren’t just inherited. You can’t acquire a culture. You learn culture by those that raise you. Since my great-great grandparents were brought up a certain way, they wanted to be with others that were just like them, other’s that learned the same norms, values, symbols, and language.  

     Within cultures, there are co-cultures. Co-cultures are groups of people who share values, norms, and interests beyond their national citizenship. I myself have been a part of a co-culture. I may be Polish-German, but I associated with other’s that were Irish, or English, or Mexican.  For an example, in high school, I was in the “shy” co-culture. All my friends were of different nationalities and lived in small communities of their culture like I have in Moltke, but we shared the same values and norms; shy, quiet, and reserved, but not towards each other. We had the same understandings, tastes in food, behavior patterns, and interests. I thought I could get out of the shy co-culture. I wanted to be with the groups, such as the preppy, cheerful, bubbly cheerleaders. I tried out for cheerleading, which was a big step out of my safety net. As the season went on, I still wasn’t “part” of the cheerleading co-culture. In fact, it was very stressful just trying to fit in with this new group. Cheerleading didn’t last long for me. I just went back to my familiar co-culture. My friends and I had the same interests unlike the cheerleaders and I. The cheerleaders didn’t have the same interests, nor the values that I held. Don’t get me wrong. You can be part of multiple co-cultures. You might belong to co-cultures that share the same ethnicity, religion, music, or age group. Within these groups, they have their own norms, traditions, or values. Co-cultures can be seen with in other co-cultures.

     As you read this, what in-groups, cultures, co-cultures came to your mind that you may be part of? It’s an interesting thought process going back in your family history and seeing if they belonged to an in-group culture, or trying to think of the co-cultures that you belong or belonged to. For one, I had fun. 

     Here are a few websites you should check out:

          Anthony Bourdain is a professional chef that travels the world, finding new dishes to try while experiencing the food and customs of the people. His show is called, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations.    

          http://www.tv.com/shows/anthony-bourdain-no-reservations/

               

          The National Geographic Society, since 1888, is a a large non-profit organization that explores the worlds geography, archaeology, and natural sciences.

               

         http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/

Communication Competency

     First off, let me tell you, I’m nervous about blogging. I never blogged before, and this blog is for a class grade. One thing that excites me, although, is the fact that I get to learn more about Interpersonal Communication not just by testing, but by using my creativity.

     When I first started this class, I didn’t know what Interpersonal Communication even was. The truth is I chose this class because my other choice was horrifying, Speech Class. I don’t like getting in front of people and speaking. I’m a shy, quiet individual that likes to sit in a corner and listen to what is being said. So, my question when I entered the classroom for the first time was, “What is Interpersonal Communication?”

     Of course, my textbook, Interpersonal Communication Second Edition by Kory Floyd had the definition, “Communication that occurs between two people within the context of their relationship and that, as it evolves, helps them to negotiate and define their relationship” (22). The definition explained what Interpersonal Communication was, but what are the subdivisions that make communication interpersonal? I explored my textbook, with a little less confused look on my face, and found a subdivision that looked interesting; Communication Competence.

     

     Competence is having the necessary ability, knowledge, or skill to do something successfully. In communication, you need to communicate in ways that are effective and suitable for a given situation. To be a good communicator, you need to have competent characteristics in most situations. In all, there are five characteristics. 

1)     Self-awareness:

     

        To be a good communicator, one must know about their own individuality, and behaviors. When you know about yourself and how it affects others, you are able to see how your behavior either fits or doesn’t fit in a certain social setting and situation. To have a high level of emotional intelligence allows you to understand people’s social behaviors and emotions precisely.

2)     Adaptability:

     

        Ever feel like a conversation is going wrong because the other person is mentioning something that makes you think, “Ew…” or “Why are you telling me this?” I have several times. The individual that told you “ew” things didn’t adapt to the situation when they saw you look away. That individual didn’t know how to adapt to a certain situation or social setting. To deliver a good joke, speech, or story, you have to be aware of your audience and adapt your behavior to your audience. You must know what will be appropriate and effective in a given social setting.

3)      Empathy:

                 

               The ability to understand and share the feelings of another is called empathy. People don’t think and feel like you may during a similar situation. There are even people out in this vast world that don’t even have empathy. They are egocentric, self-centered, selfish individuals that don’t look at others perspectives before they communicate. It’s important to know how others are feeling and thinking to correctly adapt to a certain situation.

4)      Cognitive Complexity:

                         

         Here’s the definition from my pal, Kory Floyd, “The ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways” (29). To understand situations in different perspectives helps you to choose what is going on in that situation. Behaviors and body language don’t always mean what we like to think they mean. If someone, say a friend, doesn’t notice you right away at school, or say, someone that always talks to you didn’t this time around; it doesn’t mean that they are mad at you, or they want to ignore you. They may have something else on their mind and in deep thought. Always consider different explanations for that person’s behavior.

5)      Ethics:

                         

         The last competent characteristic is ethics. Ethics is moral principles or a set of ideas about what is right and what is wrong. To become aware of your own ethical beliefs and to be aware of other’s ethical beliefs will allow you to see a person’s perspective besides your own.

     After I read about communication competency, I began to analyze myself. Am I a competent communicator? I may be shy and quiet, but I believe I am competent. I think about what others are feeling, I put myself in their shoes, and I adapt to situations, but I also have areas that need improving. My conversational involvement and effectiveness is at a low level. I’m shy, so I don’t know what to say in a conversation, I self-doubt myself, and have low self-esteem. I lived in the boondocks for 18 years of my life until I moved to a college city. Being in the boondocks with only your siblings, parents, and animals to talk to didn’t help me improve nor gain experience in social communication. What is a dog going to say during a conversation? “Woof!” What does that mean? Ok, “Woof” to you too! *Shrugs and sighs*

     Yes I had friends in school, but since I lived miles away from them, it was hard to socialize with them out of school. As the years went by and I moved to bigger and bigger cities, I began to improve my social communication. I still have loads of work to do to improve, but I know how to treat others, and that’s with respect and consideration. 

                                                                        Image from:

                             http://www.ideachampions.com/weblogs/communication-983x1024.jpg

          Here's another great website that explains how to be a good communicator:
       
               http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/good-communication-skills.html